Mentoring Is Not a Black and White Venture

Mentoring Is Not a Black and White Venture

By: Roger M. Beattie and Carol Sanborn
Summer 1999 "Mentoring Connections"

INDEX:

Questions From the Very Start
Bumps at the Beginning
Applying Lessons Learned in Mentoring Relationship #2
Expanding the Mentoring Team to Three
And Then There Were Four
The Full Team At Work
Insights Gleaned From These Mentoring Experiences

Questions From the Very Start
The phone rang in my office at the University of New Hampshire. ìHi Carol, its Roger. I'm calling to tell you about a new program I am starting as the Coordinator of Minority Recruitment and Retention. I am developing a freshmen mentoring program for the students of color. The students will be paired with a faculty, staff or community member to serve as their mentor. The research shows how much this can aid in a students adjustment to college as well as retention, especially at predominantly white institutions.î

ìSounds like a great idea, Roger. Thanks for letting me know about it. I will pass on the information to colleagues.î

ìWell, there's more to why I am calling you . . . I am hoping you will serve as a mentor for one of the new students of color. With your ties in Academic Advising, I think you have a lot to offer.î

I rolled up my sleeve of my blouse. . . yes, I was right, I was still white, VERY white. Why was Roger calling me? What could I offer to a student of color? Shouldn't a mentor be of a color as well? I will say and do all of the wrong things. The student will leave UNH in the first week.

ìCarol, I do not have enough faculty, staff or community members of color to serve as mentors. I am brainstorming about whom I feel will do a good job. Your name came to mind.î

ìSure Roger, count me in.î What have I just committed to?

Bumps at the Beginning
Five years later I found my commitment led me to meet four wonderful women who are successes at UNH, but there were plenty of bumps along the way.

Unfortunately, my first stab at mentoring was an unsuccessful venture. My first protégé was Asian American. I read about her cultural background so I
would have a better understanding of its impact or potential impact on her life as a college student. She was majoring in Athletic Training, a discipline close to my college major so I thought it was a perfect match. Unfortunately, I believed in her confident attitude about her academics and her adjustment as a freshman to the university. I did not stay in close touch since everything seemed fine.

Needless to say it was not fine and she was not invited back for her second semester freshman year.

Applying Lessons Learned in Mentoring Relationship #2
Somehow Roger did not give up on me and the second year of the program I had a new protégé. She was from Cape Verde and I realized I had a lot to learn. I knew we were both uncomfortable. I felt like I should apologize to her for the fact that her mentor was white. But this time I stuck with it, periodically calling to meet for coffee or lunch, or just checking in.

In the beginning we never would look at each other in the eyes during our conversations. I would work to get her to talk about her thoughts on majors, her life in the dorm and classes she may want to take in the upcoming semesters. Gradually, she began to talk about her family, and I would share different aspects of my life outside of work.

The first year we worked to get to know each other. I wanted her to feel confident that she could trust me and that I genuinely cared about her welfare and well being and was there to listen and help in any way I could. In looking back, what was really happening through this process was our working toward a point where we did not see black and white. We began to see a mentor and a protégé; an older woman and a younger woman who had shared experiences due to their gender and some very different experiences due to the age and cultural differences.

Expanding the Mentoring Team to Three
The next year Roger called to tell me he had expanded his goals for the mentoring program to a Peer Mentoring Triad to include mentor, peer mentor and protégé. This year the new students of color would be paired with a mentor and their protégé from the previous year. In this way the new student would have an older mentor connected to the university as well as a peer mentor that could hopefully better aid them in the adjustment to college.

My second protégé arrived. She was also from Cape Verde and knew my now sophomore protégé. This was almost my second failure. My new freshman was declared in a major and was very confident. She became involved on campus and seemed to have her next four years mapped out. My sophomore protégé, foolishly, thought she didn't need me. I also felt somewhat overwhelmed with trying to find a common time for the three of us to meet as everyone had pretty hectic schedules. I tried once and unfortunately gave up after that.

The crash came from my second protégé in her sophomore year when she realized she did not like her chosen major. She was unhappy in her studies and struggling. That is when realized I should have started a closer relationship her first year and not paid attention to the confidence factor or let her peer mentor handle everything. She switched into an Undecided status and I became her academic advisor as well as her mentor. It was time for me to start staying in touch and making sure she knew I was there for her. Our mentor/protégé relationship quickly deepened and strengthened.

And Then There Were Four
As the Peer Mentoring Program expanded, I had a new freshman added to our group. She was of Jamaican background. This year saw me calling all three on a regular basis just to check in. I also realized we may not all be able to get together at the same time but that should not stop me from staying in close touch with each of them. During our conversations I also found each was staying in touch with the others so the ìPeer Mentoring Modelî was working. I would also meet each for coffee or a soda, send birthday cards or cheerful notes when needed, making exam study care packages, and treat them to an end of the year special lunch. I also made sure each one knew my door was always open, whether they were just walking by and wanted to say "Hi" or needed to have a heart-to-heart talk.

The Full Team At Work
And now, my circle is compete with a new freshman from Haiti last fall. It has been interesting this year watching the dynamics of the senior, junior,
sophomore, and freshman protégés, each caring for the others. I have enjoyed having had the opportunity watching each one grow and mature as they progress through their college years.

I learned a lot from my senior that has paved the way for me to help the other three as they reach each particular stage as they move toward graduation. Each is an excellent academician, involved in campus activities, and are highly regarded as campus leaders. Each has long range goals that they are working hard to achieve and I am proud they included me in this process. They also share their academic concerns, honors, their social life, discussion of career paths, family concerns as well as express a genuine care about my interests and well being.

Insights Gleaned From These Mentoring Experiences
Can a white person mentor students of color? Yes! What does it take?

A commitment to making it work.
Be yourself. Do not try to be a college student or someone you think they may want you to be. Enjoy the age difference and cultural differences.
Genuinely care about and respect your protégé. Learn about them. This will take time but first start by trying to find some common areas of interest you can talk about. This will eventually lead you to many more topics. Also, my protégés know there is a lot about their world I do not and probably will not understand. We have gotten close enough that I can ask questions. They know I am just trying to learn out of my care for them and desire to better understand. This can be frightening at first as you are afraid of saying or asking the wrong thing. They are excited that you want to learn more about their culture and background.
Think back to a time when you were mentored. You were scared and just wanted an older, wiser person to talk to, care about you, and offer guidance. I was always thrilled when one of my college professors or a staff member took an interest in me. I no longer felt like a number and it spurred me on to reach for higher goals.
I feel being of the same gender also helped me feel more comfortable in the mentoring role. It also gave us our common ground to begin the relationship.
Do not dwell on what you cannot do time wise or do not have the resources to do. Put into action what you can do.
Do not see differences in the color of skin, see the person.

Yes, it can work!

Roger M. Beattie is the Coordinator for Minority Recruitment and Retention at the University of New Hampshire. Carol Sanborn is the Assistant Director of the University Advising Center at the University of New Hampshire.

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