Effective Mentoring Requires Confidentiality
© 2003, Barry Sweeny

A True Mentoring Story That Led to Disaster

Picture this incident which really happened. What it happened it actually led to the end of a mentoring relationship for about two months before the problem could be discovered and dealt with.

The mentor and the supervisor met each other walking in the hallway. The supervisor remembered that this employee is working as a mentor with a more junior employee this year. The supervisor wants to show that she remembers this fact and that she appreciates the effort the mentor is making. So...the supervisor says "Hi, how's the mentoring going?".

The mentor answers, "Really great! Sarah (the protege) has come along so nicely. She has mastered day-to-day management of her work flow and her performance and relationship with the clients are outstanding. We are lucky to have her on staff here. I really have learned a terrific amount from her and working as a mentor has really helped me to re-evaluate my own work for ways to improve it. As hard as it is to work full-time and mentor at the same time, I really love it!"

Yes, it did. In fact what happened next did too.

In an evaluation conference between the protege and the supervisor, the supervisor stated "Sarah, we are all pleased that you are on or staff. I am particularly pleased with the growth you have shown and your learning curve. You have really come a long way this year and your mentor agrees with me. I am pleased to recommend that the company offer you another contract next year. Congratulations!"

A Loss of Trust

As pleased as Sarah was to be offered a new contract, she was shocked to realize that the supervisor and the mentor had been discussing her performance behind her back. She had understood that the conversations between her and her mentor were completely confidential, but that was, apparently, not the case.

Even though the actual conversation and what the supervisor said was ALL POSITIVE, Sarah felt hurt that the mentor had done this. Sadly, Sarah could not bring herself to say anything about it to either the supervisor or her mentor.

From that moment on Sarah did not share her concerns with her mentor. Sarah felt wary of openly expressing where she felt inadequate as an employee and where she wanted to grow professionally. The substantive work of mentoring came to a halt and the mentor could not understand what had happened. The mentor wrongly concluded that since Sarah was rehired, that she felt she had "arrived" and didn't want or need to work with the mentor any more.

It was only during a mentor support group meeting when the issue arose and the mentor program coordinator (this author) began to investigate and intervene. When the true stories emerged, the coordinator called a meeting of all those involved, asked each to listen without asking questions until the end, and asked first the mentor, then the supervisor, then the protege to tell what had occurred and what they thought and felt at the time. Skillful facilitation saved this particular mentoring relationship, and skillful coordination led to changes in the mentoring and managers' training about how information should flow in the mentoring context.

The following chart is a representation of the "flow of communication" that all parties agreed to follow. It is recommended that YOU use this model in your program as well.

"Mentoring Information Flow Chart: Keeping Confidences"

The Recommendation?

Whenever a conversation (like the one described above) between a mentor and a supervisor occurs this "Information Flow Chart" must guide their interaction.

Mentors must be trained so they can easily respond:

1. "Thanks for your interest in our mentoring, I know you support what we are doing." (Affirm the positive motivation.)

2. "I am concerned about the confidential nature of mentoring and keeping an environment where my protege will take risks with me and try new methods." ( Give "I messages", that is what you are feeling.)

3. "If you would like to explore how the mentoring is going, why don't we sit down together with the protege and discuss it?" (Offers a workable solution.)

When this three-step model is used, major problems can be avoided, supervisors can be "kept in the loop", and mentoring relationships will be protected.

© 2003 by the International Mentoring Association

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